ma poesie parte une

thoughts and empty space

..........

yes. i think so. the shattered glass. broken memories

your leaving

you
are
gone.

quite the twisted irony isnt it...
 quite the twisted irony isn't it .

                             isn't it?

kicked up dust , heel turned , not a second look.

secrets lies
secrets lies

cause

cor         de
rup         struc
      tion

yes. i thought so.


this or that.
the choice is yours.

take it or leave it,

take me or leave me.

Choice is something that creates both
horror; bliss.
but when it comes down to it,
im most scared about making the right choice
whether i hurt people, whether i hurt myself

i hate ifs

and now i have to choose between the greatest lie ive ever made
the life im living,
the things i stand by
or coming clean

and being relieved
of the never ending weight
and becoming me

as i am.

the choice is mine.
take it or leave it

take you
or

leave you.


see. saw
mistakes and heartbreak


two large stones in the factors of my life.

i hate to admit it,
but truthfullness is drawn out like honey
slowly but surely
most definately hitting someones sweet tooth.

people are malicious, snide, mean.

but im used to it
its to be expected when youve

lived
breathed
ached to be just who you are

as a person.

no show, no audience.

but i need to be.
inhale without choking
           run without stumbling
                       speak without faltering.
because im ME
and i value me.
inside and out

or at least.

its my wish..

mutual
fuckyou.

the hate is mutual, believe you me.

i like me and i value me.

everything you say, you do,
eats me alive.

but im stopping it now.

im stopping you now.

im a trend setter
                         a go getter.
lets keep it that way.

your inferior ways
produce a chuckle on my behalf.

and yet, i learn from you.
i learn the importance of kindness
and the power of self.

and although you think the worlds in your palm
i know the weight is just going to crush you.

look deep ; feel deep.
masked.

                your beauty surrounds me like claustrophobia
im envelloped and taken in,

                         willingly and stupidly.

i find your aquous movements enticing,

as a butterfly           would tickle your shoulder,

my heart is laughing.

your eyelashes graze my cheek,

and your mouth to my lips.

you knew you would get me
                                                                                    trap me.
                                                          haze me.
but yet your gaze,
although strikingly irredescant,
is void of real emoton
and empty of inner luminosity.

i begin to percieve your motives,
as your disguise crumbles,
and your true pulse revealed. 

this masquerade has ended.
this masquerade is over.
silent voices
speaking the mind has repercussions

yet so does silence.
......
i refuse to be trampled over
slaughtered or crucified.

i will stand up and speak up

kick,             scream,             and be remembered.

becasue i am not afraid
to reveal what i am passionate about
what i care for or who i believe in.

try to stop me.
try to take my voice.

because even if you manage

ill find away to go beyond words

and send the message out

loud .
           and .
                     clear.

wanting nothing, needing nothing

the wild in me

the spirit dwelling

yearns to break from my shell
and soar above this earth.

i want more.

but i cant have any.
and thats the way life is.

there are those who have and want and get.
those who have and want.
and then there are those who have nothing

but want nothing.

bad weather
i am indifferent.
you agree.

i am haunted by what i dont know

because i know so little.

i am only young.

wild and carefree

i have a heart

ready to be shattered

easily broken

and easily mended

i need to be loved

but you never mattered.

you see my skin

but not my brain

i think separate thoughts

while you sit here

you see beauty

but i see rain.

when done is done
and the end has finished

we walk separate roads

float on different clouds

but i wont forget you
after all is diminished

a stolen note, a stolen heart.

heyyyy there kate fetch.  i stole your blog.. hope you dont mind :)

10 things to 10 people

1. i like you. a lot. what more can i do..

2. you've changed. one day you were fine and the next, as it seemed, you were a raging bitch who couldn't control herself.  im trying my best to keep you in check.  really, i am.  but you just push everyone away with the things you do. i want your innocence back, but we both know its gone forever.

3. our friendship has been in waves. sometimes strong, sometimes almost nonexistant, but always coming back.  from acquaintances, to friends, to hating each other, to the best kind of friend i couldve asked for.  we know each other and we stick up for each other and we are real with each other.  when i look back on highschool, if i remember anything, itll be you. 

4. wow.  my female equal in regards to no nonsense.  you take no shit, and dont get any for that reason.  you take my brutal honesty to heart and know that im not trying to hurt you, just help you.  one of the minimal people ive had a heart to heart with and one of the minimal people i can talk to with MY problems.

5. fuck you.   you think youre so different by being the way you are, when in fact youre just another one of those chicks whos 'trying to be different'.  your opinions have no value and your superiority complex fools no one.  whatever happened to good old grade nine when you didnt judge people? whatever.  im guess i'm the fake one..

6. i don't think i have ever hated someone more in life.  i cannot believe i ever believed a word that came from your mouth or gave the love you bought.  i can honestly say now that you are not in my life anymore, that im actually starting to feel a thing called happiness.

7. we havent known each other very long in regards to friendship.  but we clicked.  faster than with anyone i can think of. that must count for something.

8. my love for you is endless, and although you say you hate me and that you think i have vampire teeth, i know that you love me too.  i hope one day i get to show you the world and i hope one day you get to grow up to be a strong woman, full of opinions and thought and imagination. 

9. you words comfort me and your hugs surround me with love. i dont know if i would be able to live if you were taken.. i dont know how i would move on.  youve always been there. always.  and even when im gone and grown, youll still be there.  and although the pain and the hurt and the problems i have now are far more complex and deep than that of a scraped knee or bumped head, i know that everything feels better when im around you.

10. be honest.  ive seen you do it countless times with others, and i know you have the strength to do it.  find it and embrace it.  with skin like yours, theres little that could hurt you anyways.

dutch always.

marie hoekstra enjoys fantastic music.
fact.

she basically just put my ears through a music fantasy complete with smooth lyrics, and foot tapping beats.

AND she sings and plays piano.  her voice makes me melt like on a hot summer day in the middle of saudi arbia.. in a good way.

seriously.  click this link and melt.

informative facebook.

I thought since maybe you would like to know a little more about me since you read my thoughts, I would copy and paste my facebook info on my blog, because its pretty much 100% all you need to know.  And by 100% I mean about 50%.  The other half comes from actually meeting me, and getting to know me.  And thats me in the picture (it was taken by Jessica Ladouceur), wearing gross fitting pants :)

Activities:

currently:

coming into his own

finding his sense of self

star gazing, thinking, social justice.

i love tea of all varieties

i like to act.

i don't like kraft dinner.

and thats not even the nutshell.

Interests:

the pondering of an ever approaching future.

Favorite Music:

indie, pop, techno, dance. alltimelow, ladygaga, owlcity, davidguetta

demi lovato&selena gomez are my guilty pleasures.

Favorite TV Shows:

glee!! :D

Favorite Movies:

Nick&Norah's Infinate Playlist,

August Rush

Favorite Books:

i fancy a good thriller or adventure or fantasy or memoir.

Favorite Quotations:

'lmfao'.. lmfao

'i love you'

the universe is not filled with rainbows; it is filled with camels, and camels are often humpy.

now, dont go boning your va jayjay.

About Me:

pat's the name,

dm's the school,

thorold's the place.

im the guy who takes pictures.. and thatd be about it.

:D




aaaand for someone so honest, I really need to stop lieing to myself.

playlist for a broken soul.

Before you read this.. and by read I mean listen, you should know I have a strange obsession with disney poptarts.. :)

I should also let you know now, that I chose these songs to put on my blog because I enjoy them.  Whether that be the poetry of the words, the magic of the notes, or sheer fact that i feel something when pounded through my brain. I want you to listen, I want you to judge, and I want you to look for the things I said, regardless of the style, or the artist performing.

abbi - flamboyant bella

calendar girl - stars

every time you lie - demi lovato

falling over me - demi lovato

fallin down - space cowboy

fidelity - regina spektor

happy - leona lewis

heartbeat - nneka

intuition - feist

i got u - selena gomez

just for now - imogen heap

lean on me - glee
lessons learned - carrie underwood
lions! - lights

love for a child - jason mraz

no one can ever change my mind - stefanie heinzmann

pretend - lights

raindrops - regina spektor

remember decemeber - demi lovato

river - lights

sleep tonight - stars

sophisticated sideways ponytaile - natalie portman's shaved head

speechless - lady gaga

the walk - imogen heap

vanilla twilight - owl city

wonderful - lady gaga

a glass of confidence, on the rocks.

Okay so obviously I've been slacking.  I haven't written in ages due to , oh i don't know, FACEBOOK.. and sleep.  I've been doing a lot of that lately.

I guess I'll start from where I left off.. Christmas?

It was pretty swell.  I got some nice cardigans and cologne and a bunch of money.  Pretty successful.  I went to my father's house for an hour.. It was extremely awkward.  I wanted to leave.  I did.  I haven't been back since..

New Years was also nice.  Very relaxing.  I decided rather than going to a party and acting a fool, i would go out to dinner with some of my favourite people AT and TM :)  then we stayed in and danced and watched the ball drop and played boardgames and drank hot chocolate.  Oddly, I felt really happy.  No stress, no worries, no alcohol.  Amen.

New Year's resolution? .. I was never good with those anyway..

Then school happened.. and with school comes math and french and chem.. my three least favourite classes. yippee.  Its not that I don't do well, its just that I don't try.  Whenever I  tell my mother I have decent marks that are average in comparison to my peers, she tells me im not average, and I SHOULD be getting over 90 in every class.. and shes right.  If I can manage an 80 in math, an 83 in chem and an 86 in french without studying, without doing my homework, and without being in class for an accumulated amount of about 2 months, possibly more, its clear to me shes right.  I need to start putting the effort in and the partying out if im going to be going anywhere other than here for university (I was thinking U of T, McGill, UBC, or U of O?).

Anyways,   MAJOR DRAMZ in my life.  kind of.  well.. not really.  I had a 'facebook fight' (lame) with some girl on  my friends status/photo.. over god knows what. Anyways.. I basically turned her into pulp and it was good times.
I was at a small little gettogether recently on the weekend, and with that has caused some turned stomachs.  I take pictures. A lot of pictures.  And so when I am at parties I take tons, and people know that.  If they don't then they obviously don't go to the same parties I do.  So basically I always put the photos up on facebook, even the bad ones (I don't delete), and for some strange reason this guy FLIPPED, the first time anybody ever has.  Threats, etc.  Except for the fact that he never confronted me..? so I fbook messaged him.  Its all good now I think.
Another thing.. a different guy from the same party shoved me in the hallway today..  I don't exactly know why? All I know is that i do not enjoy getting a heavy side into my shoulder..

I've been going out a lot lately and thats fine and all.. but I kinda miss home.  The feeling of waking up after a nice long sleep on a sunday afternoon to the smell of bacon and eggs..  I guess I'll have to settle with waking up after a 3 hour sleep to the sound of friend's voices.

Right now, I'm in a place where I'm happy, besides the rumours being spread and the nonsubstantial drama.  I know who my friends are and I'm actually starting to feel completely okay around them.. something completely new for me.  I'm starting to show my strength and my knowledge and my thick skin after years of ruthless bullying.  My confidence has never been so high.. I guess after being put down so often theres a point where you choose one of three things; death, apathy, or yourself.  I chose myself after I got to highschool and I found me.. who I am, who I want to be.

Thinking now that my highschool career is nearly over.. well.. I have a year and a half.. but thats basically nothing...I'm going to miss the people i've met along the way. It saddens me to say that 10,20,30 years from now.. I won't know who these people are.. I won't know how their lives have developed or their sense of self.  And I will never know what kind of impact I've had on their lives.

But enough with this rambling nonsense.  I have other blogs to write ;)

P.S> love is knowing that ali's voice is still heavenly.

sentences.

currently 6:40 PM as i write this sentence. Yes, sentence.   After struggling to figure out the proper spelling of sentence, I have come to the realization that sentance has no meaning at all, because it is supposed to be an 'e' instead of that 'a'.   And it is uber strange I wrote it with an 'a' because in my first couple posts i wrote it with an 'e'.  Very confused at the moment. :)

Another thing.  The photos featured on the blog about James Nachtwey were his photographs, not mine.  Other than that, everything else on the site is original.  Those are all my own photographs, taken by me, and everything I have written is from my mind.  I don't believe in plagiarism. I hope you enjoy them :)

Aaaaaand that would be about all for now.. I have a chemistry unit test about stoichiometry and all that stuff that goes with it tomorrow.  Thrilled? not so much.  I found out about it yesterday, and we just got back to school today.  What a great way to start off the new year :|  Meh, 14 more school days until exams.  End of exams means semi.  Semi will be awesome.  Im excited.  End of exams also means new semester. New semester means 2 things.   EASY courses, ecstatic about that (anthro, religion, (both self explanatory) english (I (L) english. I find it extremely easy, i.e. I have a blog), french (understandable as to easiness level in just a moment)), AND it means FRANCE.  My excitement level is slowly but surely rising.  :)

So.  For those of you who read my blog, and enjoy it, I will hopefully have some new posts hopefully this weekend about such subjects as new years, my life in general, and more.  stay tuned ;)