a glass of confidence, on the rocks.

Okay so obviously I've been slacking.  I haven't written in ages due to , oh i don't know, FACEBOOK.. and sleep.  I've been doing a lot of that lately.

I guess I'll start from where I left off.. Christmas?

It was pretty swell.  I got some nice cardigans and cologne and a bunch of money.  Pretty successful.  I went to my father's house for an hour.. It was extremely awkward.  I wanted to leave.  I did.  I haven't been back since..

New Years was also nice.  Very relaxing.  I decided rather than going to a party and acting a fool, i would go out to dinner with some of my favourite people AT and TM :)  then we stayed in and danced and watched the ball drop and played boardgames and drank hot chocolate.  Oddly, I felt really happy.  No stress, no worries, no alcohol.  Amen.

New Year's resolution? .. I was never good with those anyway..

Then school happened.. and with school comes math and french and chem.. my three least favourite classes. yippee.  Its not that I don't do well, its just that I don't try.  Whenever I  tell my mother I have decent marks that are average in comparison to my peers, she tells me im not average, and I SHOULD be getting over 90 in every class.. and shes right.  If I can manage an 80 in math, an 83 in chem and an 86 in french without studying, without doing my homework, and without being in class for an accumulated amount of about 2 months, possibly more, its clear to me shes right.  I need to start putting the effort in and the partying out if im going to be going anywhere other than here for university (I was thinking U of T, McGill, UBC, or U of O?).

Anyways,   MAJOR DRAMZ in my life.  kind of.  well.. not really.  I had a 'facebook fight' (lame) with some girl on  my friends status/photo.. over god knows what. Anyways.. I basically turned her into pulp and it was good times.
I was at a small little gettogether recently on the weekend, and with that has caused some turned stomachs.  I take pictures. A lot of pictures.  And so when I am at parties I take tons, and people know that.  If they don't then they obviously don't go to the same parties I do.  So basically I always put the photos up on facebook, even the bad ones (I don't delete), and for some strange reason this guy FLIPPED, the first time anybody ever has.  Threats, etc.  Except for the fact that he never confronted me..? so I fbook messaged him.  Its all good now I think.
Another thing.. a different guy from the same party shoved me in the hallway today..  I don't exactly know why? All I know is that i do not enjoy getting a heavy side into my shoulder..

I've been going out a lot lately and thats fine and all.. but I kinda miss home.  The feeling of waking up after a nice long sleep on a sunday afternoon to the smell of bacon and eggs..  I guess I'll have to settle with waking up after a 3 hour sleep to the sound of friend's voices.

Right now, I'm in a place where I'm happy, besides the rumours being spread and the nonsubstantial drama.  I know who my friends are and I'm actually starting to feel completely okay around them.. something completely new for me.  I'm starting to show my strength and my knowledge and my thick skin after years of ruthless bullying.  My confidence has never been so high.. I guess after being put down so often theres a point where you choose one of three things; death, apathy, or yourself.  I chose myself after I got to highschool and I found me.. who I am, who I want to be.

Thinking now that my highschool career is nearly over.. well.. I have a year and a half.. but thats basically nothing...I'm going to miss the people i've met along the way. It saddens me to say that 10,20,30 years from now.. I won't know who these people are.. I won't know how their lives have developed or their sense of self.  And I will never know what kind of impact I've had on their lives.

But enough with this rambling nonsense.  I have other blogs to write ;)

P.S> love is knowing that ali's voice is still heavenly.