gray tears with a distant memory.

childhood.

something i dearly miss
and something gone forever.

time doesn't turn back and experiences can never be redone. regrets will never be fixed
and playtime is over.

the playground remains as it is
a playground
but we change it accordingly just as the age we are changes.
our innocence has been eaten away by all of our wrong doings, mature sights by an immature soul
adding years each day.

and now,
all I want is to take back those years. shed them and just be a kid.

becasue now that I am not.
I can never be.
And that scares me.

I just want my stresses to be eased
my worries to be relieved
my woes to be soothed.

I want for everyone to exist simultaneously without disrupting drama.

i want sandboxes
i want finger paints.

and i know i can want to any extent
and i also know that no amount of want will make things happen.
and i have come to realize that time ticks

and ticks and doesn't stop.

and what once was,
Was
and will never be again.

I am not a child anymore.
I am not a child.

I was a child.
I was.

A memory in my heart is engraved.
But like a pebble in the ocean,
it will be smoothed away.

And my wishes
and my dreams
and my goals
and my aspirations
and every thing I ever thought of
in my vast imagination

will also be smoothed away
in order for grown up thinking to take over.

I can feel it happening.
the smoothing.
the pushing away of a beautiful life
and a world of happiness

And a sea of gray
envelops my mind
And the drowning commences
As my tears drift into the abyss
Adding to the tears of every adult
before me.

and I have become
A man.

A man who was once a child.
A man who will never be a child again